Sunday, 2 January 2011

My School Crush - Update

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about contemplating contacting My School Crush through Facebook to let her know what I never told her all those years ago. Thanks to everyone who commented and gave me suggestions as to how I might proceed. In the end I decided to send her a message, aiming to come across as light and friendly but also letting her know about my crush.

Brief sidetrack - I have a confession to make: not to her this time, but to those of you who read my blog. Now that I'm posting about the present day, rather than describing experiences which took place several years ago, I'm already finding that I don't want to go into too much detail about anything involving other people rather than just my own musings. I suspected that I would hit this dilemma if/when I started dating again but I've just hit it even sooner: while writing this post I was looking at my message to her and changing the exact words slightly as I transcribed it, but I realised that I felt uncomfortable even doing that. It's not like I told her that I have a blog which is openly available on the internet, so there was something which didn't feel right about posting anything too close to the actual message. I don't know if this makes much sense, but anyway: I'll post the brief summary which I mentioned in reply to a comment on my previous post.

So my message to her was along the lines of:

"How's it going? I remember you from maths lessons; Facebook lets me say what I never said - wanted to tell you I had a big crush on you; hope all is good with you." (But longer and hence less condensed.)

After sending the message I logged out of Facebook and came to write my previous blog post, mainly because I'd just booked myself to go speed dating on New Year's Eve (more on that next time) but partly to share the news that I'd sent the message. To be honest, I felt kind of proud of myself for sending it, kind of like I'd made amends for not plucking up the courage way back then. It didn't matter much whether anything came of it - at least I wouldn't spend any more time wondering whether to do it!

After posting my blog post I logged back onto Facebook briefly and was about to log off again when a message came through. Maybe... hopefully... yes!! She'd replied! That was my main hope: to know that my message had been received (this may be partly because some of my previous "blast from the past" messages had gone unanswered for a long time.)

Her message was really nice and friendly. She said that she remembered me, mainly for being great at maths, and that she thinks it's nice to hear about crushes. She indirectly and gently alluded to being engaged (fair enough) and then asked a bit about me and why I didn't turn out to be more of a high flyer (I get that a lot.)

Overall I was really pleased to get such a warm message from someone whom I thought might not even have remembered me. This fulfilled my main hopes for the whole endeavour. I think I may have given the impression in my original post that I was hoping to possibly date her - I really wasn't thinking along those lines. I mean, if her reply to me had revealed that she'd had a crush on me too and she longed for a reunion, well, I imagine that I would have been up for meeting for a drink, but at this point I'm aware that I didn't even know her that well back then and I don't know her at all now, so we might actually have been really incompatible. I can't tell how we'd get on from her profile - I can tell that I still think she's good-looking, but I walk past dozens of good-looking women every day whom I don't know. Do I want to go on dates with all of them? Actually yes, that sounds pretty good - but I wouldn't be expecting all of the dates to go well!

The next day I sent her a reply, commenting on what she'd written in her message and giving her more information about what I've been up to in recent years and asking the same about her. At this point it's been four days since then and I haven't heard back. She may have decided that she'd actually prefer not to share any more information, or maybe she's just been busy. Either way, I'm glad that I sent her the original message and got a nice reply.

Now, what challenge shall I set for myself next? Ah yes - I already did one - speed dating on New Year's Eve. I'll write an update soon - right now I'm still waiting for the company's website to allow us to enter our Yes/Friend/No responses. I know we're still kind of in a holiday period, but the longer they leave it the less we'll remember each other!


  1. Awe, that sounds really nice :) I'm glad she wrote back. Nothing worse than getting up all of that courage only to never hear anything. From her point of view (with the fiance) it might be weird for her to keep emailing you.

    But really posted because I want to hear about this NYE thing! Oh, and did you sign up to Guardian soul-mates? I may give you hints to my identity to see if you can guess who I am ;)

  2. Good point about the fiance - with that in mind it was nice of her to respond at all! I hadn't planned to keep corresponding for long and I'll understand if I don't hear back.

    I hope to post about the NYE speed dating soon. Maybe I shouldn't wait for the website to let us do matches! I haven't signed up to any other dating things yet - got busy times coming up, so maybe later this month. I bet I could find you on Guardian soul-mates though - I think your blog already contains a fair few hints to go on!

  3. I think it's always cute to re-connect with old crushes and say the things we couldn't have said back then. I'm sure she was flattered. Bless facebook!

    Now tell us about NYE speed dating!

  4. Yep - Facebook was very helpful in this instance! She didn't seem surprised about the crush so I think she may have already known, but she did still receive it graciously.

    Speed dating post hopefully coming soon - I'm thinking it's not worth waiting for their website!

  5. oh Matt what a nice story! Would have been such an epic tale if she could have returned your feelings from back in the day..but you know what...this is still heart warming and so sweet that she responded! silly engagements.

    Anyway, definitely want to hear about your NYE speed dating! Did you find a midnight kiss???

  6. Thank you! Even without the fairytale ending I'm happy with it too.

    I've just posted about my NYE speed dating - unfortunately no midnight kiss for me, but an interesting experience anyway!

  7. Good that you accomplished what you set out to do and feel happy about it. She probably won't write you back as you have now kind of done the interchange of what have you been up to and you are now "friends" on Facebook so you know that you can each deduce the other things... but she is probably glad to have reconnected with you anyway.

  8. Thanks - I'm glad to have heard back from her even if she leaves it at that. (We didn't "friend" each other - I only sent a message and not a friend request.)

  9. Yay! I'm glad you two had a positive interaction and YES - So happy you did not send the friend request.

    My two cents say leave it alone. You were able to get that crush tidbit off your tongue, so mission accomplished. =)

  10. Yep - I completely agree. Mission accomplished - I like the sound of that!

  11. I like it...very...ballsy ;) of you *high fives* plus good on ya for not having any expectations :)

    BTW what you mean by "high-flying" that like successful? a party animal? a pilot? a drugged out teenager? a world traveller? there are so many connotations and we all know I'm a hard ass for specificity :P

  12. Thanks - better to do it and see what happens than wonder what might have been!

    I suppose I'm none of the things you've listed! But she asked about my job - she thought I might have done "more" with my academic skills (I'm paraphrasing here.)