Sunday, 5 December 2010

Impatience and Time Passing

I like to think of myself as quite a patient person in some respects. I'm willing to explain an idea to someone several times in different ways. I don't get too irate when public transport has a bad day. However, I'm not patient when it comes to my own incapacity or inability to do whatever I most feel like doing.

My break-up in May was not out of the blue - it had looked likely for months. It wasn't long after this before I felt the desire to be dipping a toe into the dating pool again. I wasn't kidding myself that I was ready for a full-on relationship yet but I thought that starting to have some kind of non-platonic encounters would help in the process of moving on. However, I was still "stuck" (as I saw it) living with my ex, and I didn't want to risk angering her by seeming to try to move on too quickly as if our relationship hadn't mattered to me, plus I thought that not many women would want to have any involvement with a guy living with his ex (and I have a compulsion towards honesty which meant I'd have been candid about my living situation if asked.)

Therefore I decided that I felt unable to date while living with my ex. This was one factor in my desire to get our house sold quickly. I had optimistically hoped to have it wrapped up in three months or possibly four. In the end it took six. Six months of my life spent in limbo.

But then I'd be free and ready, right? Unfortunately, my health had other ideas. I spent my first days of post-house sale freedom in hospital and I'm still recovering now. I'm not sure when I'll be back to full health and ready to think about trying out dating again. I know that I've been seriously ill and that I should be grateful to be pulling through, and I am, but part of me is just seeing this as more time passing by while I'm having to sit out on the sidelines.

I also know that it's a good idea to have a full and fulfilling life outside dating before going searching for a possible new relationship, and I can fully see the sense in that idea, but part of me just doesn't want to have to spend more time working on other parts of my life. It's OK as it is; the main thing which I want to change is my love life! But at the moment the days are still ticking by. How many more will slip past before I manage to be ready?

Does this resonate for anyone? Do you think in terms of days slipping by without managing to follow your desires? Or have you managed to maintain a more positive attitude to the passage of time?


  1. What are you waiting for? your health issues should have taught you that if the right situation comes along you should seize it. No point worrying what your ex thinks as she is just that, your ex.

    I have a few similarities with your situation except I wasn't looking for a girlfriend but when it happened, what are you going to do. And yes she was still living with her ex husband and negotiating a property sale. My health is also pretty dismal but its mostly my own fault. I don't have a positive attitude to time. As far as I am concerned its rushing past me at an alarming rate. If you feel that an improved love life is your priority and I can fully understand that, then you shouldn't hang around.

  2. Thanks for your comments Toni - I do agree with the idea of seizing opportunities and not waiting around. Sorry to hear about your health - I know you've mentioned it on your blog and it sounds like you've had it tough for a long time. I'd been lucky enough to be mostly in good health until these last few weeks, so I'm hoping to get back there before going on dates, plus I'm currently with my parents 100 miles away from my normal city of residence. But I accept that I could decide not to let these things stop me completely.

  3. I agree with Toni: you only get one life to live and might as well use it for all it's worth. Plus you know you could start online dating from your couch ;) I'm more of a go-getter than a waiter though. What do they say? Life is what happens when you're making other plans? I say go for it!

  4. In Leo Tolstoy's "The Death of Ivan Ilyich" Ivan lives his entire life never satisfied, always doing what others (especially his wife) wanted him to do. His joys were hollow, his life meaningless, and he grew to hate everyone around him- including his wife.

    On his deathbed, after living a life as an important judge in Soviet Russia, the questions occurs to him: "What if my whole life was wrong?"

    That, to me, is a pretty scary motivation to never want to ask that question!

    Not sure why your post made me think of that, but it's a salient point and a good story nonetheless. Looking forward to your good health returning!


  5. Lifebeginsat30ty: I do like that quote. My fear with starting online dating now is that I'll seem odd if I delay meeting up through being 100 miles away and being down on lung capacity. I could at least start writing a profile though...

    Caleb: Thanks for bringing some culture to my blog! I agree that that's a terrifying question. I definitely don't want to let much time go by before getting back out there.

  6. Lately, as I work toward my graduate school goals I have been feeling pretty good about the passage of time. I manage to make a little progress toward my goal each day and I can look back on the progress and sigh with a bit of satisfaction.


  7. I have a post coming up (whenever I can get my crap together and write it) that will show just how much I know how you feel. I think I rushed too soon into the dating scene because I felt like I was missing out or that I needed to get going for some reason. And I wasn't ready, and I should have spent more time working on me. I'm not sure you are in the same situation, but I wanted to tell you that I totally feel you. And now I'm in a situation where I am on the sidelines again, by choice this time. It's hard to not be anxious about what my future holds (or who it holds). Take care of yourself first (health wise) and then get out there, if that's what you want :)

  8. crystalspins: Sounds like you've got a good way of looking at it - I've generally been lacking in long-term goals and sometimes I envy those of you who are motivated by them!

    simplysolo: Thanks - I feel where you were coming from too. I might well have rejoined the dating scene quickly had it not been for my accommodation situation. It's hard having to wait for something (getting over a relationship, I mean) when the length of waiting time is unknown. I'm not sure whether I'm interpreting your sidelines comment correctly - is there news to come? Either way I'll be looking out for your post(s).