Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Mutually Exclusive (Part 2 of 2)

My first three dates with Mutually Exclusive had been fun-filled and gradually more kiss-filled, but I'd felt hampered by an unfortunate lack of sleep and this had prompted me to shorten dates two and three. I'd then caught up on sleep and was very much looking forward to date four and got the vibe that she was too. There was one fly in the ointment: she had mentioned that she would be busy for one week following our upcoming Thursday date. But I had high hopes for our date being good enough to carry us through that week.

After work on Thursday I headed to her place. We kissed and chatted as we made dinner together. After dinner, more chatting and kissing in front of the television. But then came a change of pace: she said that she didn't want anything other than kissing to happen that night. She still wanted me to stay the night but just to hold each other and kiss and nothing further.

It did feel kind of like she was abruptly putting the brakes on after having urged quicker progress on the previous date - I'd got the feeling that she'd wanted to go further just two nights before. Was this a test? Or was that a test? I was confused. But I reasoned that I would rather come across as too cautious than too pushy, so I took the opportunity to be the perfect gentleman - I gracefully accepted her request and held her and kissed her as we went to sleep with underwear still firmly in place.

The next morning, before we went our separate ways, she was at great pains to reiterate that she would be busy for the whole of the next week. And by busy, she meant no time for any contact at all. She said that her family were coming to stay. I didn't really understand why that would leave her unable to even send an occasional text, especially as we were now dating exclusively (and she'd been the one pushing for that status just a week earlier.) But I was still in gentleman mode and accepted the situation without pushing her for further explanation. She kissed me goodbye and was gone.

For the next seven days I respected her instruction not to try to contact her in any way and, sure enough, heard nothing back either. Seven days became eight days, nine days. On day ten I sent her a lighthearted text. No response. On day eleven I sent her a less lighthearted text indicating that I really wanted to talk. Several hours later she finally called me. She said that she had continued to be busy after her family had left and she just hadn't had time to contact me. She apologized but also said that she had more busy times coming up and wasn't sure when she could fit me in. This from the woman who'd said "What's wrong with tomorrow?" when I asked for our fourth date to be two days after our third!

I let her know that I wasn't happy to be seeing somebody so rarely after agreeing exclusivity. I said that I wanted to see her more often if things were going to work out. She said that she'd try to sort something out and she'd be in touch soon.

And she was in touch the next day - sending me the following email:


Hope you are well and happy. Been thinking about us dating some more and i can't really see it going any where. It seems we aren't as compatible as i thought we would be in the beginning. I don't know what your veiws are on this but we could try and be friends although it maybe too late for that."

Hmm, OK... I guess it wasn't really out of the blue, but her choice of words threw me a bit - did she come to the conclusion that we weren't compatible during the ten days of zero contact? Oh well - I might have ended up ending things anyway if her busy times had continued.

After reading the email I saw that she was on online chat and had a brief chat with her. I said that I respected her decision and that I was up for trying being friends too, but she seemed to have changed her mind on that front - she started saying (writing) strange things about worrying that I'd be really angry at her and try to get revenge on her or something. What?? I had no idea at all where this was coming from but I readily agreed that we didn't need to stay in touch. I tried to explain that I bore her no ill will and wished her all the best. End of chat. I never heard from her again.


  1. She might have seen something on date three or four that made her reconsider if you two would be a good fit. Exclusivity after only the third date? That's pretty fast. Not enough time to know if you are really compatible.

    No matter... Onward and upward my dear chap! She wasn't the one.

  2. Thanks and welcome. You're right - onward and upward indeed!

  3. My magic-eight ball prediction: I see someone else in this picture.

  4. I think you could well be right. I didn't think of this at first (I guess I like to start off thinking the best of people) but when it crossed my mind it seemed to connect most of the dots. I guess I'll never know for sure.

  5. firstly, busy was just an excuse. no woman who's really into you dissappears for that long with no contact. secondly, she clearly had unresolved issues (probably with someone else). finally, the chat with her online, wow matt. where do you find them? ;) (haha, i'm one to talk..)

  6. I think you're right on all points... and I was really thrown by the chat as well - I'll never quite know what that was all about!

  7. I'm sorry! Better things are in your future! Great post!

  8. Thanks - I hope you're right!